just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
