You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
