I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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