All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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