I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
