I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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