get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
