youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
