Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
