A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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