You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You ruined the universe
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
