Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
