Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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