so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
