This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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