I am puke
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
