It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
