hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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