oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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