he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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