I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
