well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
