I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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