So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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