a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
