he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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