I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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