yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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