last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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