when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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