come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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