i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
