I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Come see our sink grown plant.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
