Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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