He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
