I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize