Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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