All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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