if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
