I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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