where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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