ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
