I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
