Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
