Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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