Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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