Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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