I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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