Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
