I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
