I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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