I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize