I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
