So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
