Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize