kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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