When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
