I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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