i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
