He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
