I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
