I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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