Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
