Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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