Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
