you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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