I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You can't special order awesome
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
