Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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