haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
