I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
