me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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