You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
